Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
