I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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