i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
