There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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