we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he thought i was a dude.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Found the puke drawer
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
