you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
