I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
