Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My feet surprised me
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
