My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
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