Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
