What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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