i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
