I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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