I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
