it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Fuck appropriateness.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
