Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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