Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
