I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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