Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
