when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
