There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
