Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
