suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
