Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
