This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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