It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
