I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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