I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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