Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
