The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
