Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Randomize
