Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
