Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
