I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
