He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Holy sore nipples Batman
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
