In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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