haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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