Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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