then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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