Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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