Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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