I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
