So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Randomize
