ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
ttyl tear gas
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
