I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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