no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
