She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
