Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
