I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
