PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
