Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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