I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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