WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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